Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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