So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
