note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
