I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize