is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
