I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
