I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
