im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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