I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
