dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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