the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
