Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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