Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
