my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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