highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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