I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
