peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
