if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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