I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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