the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
