batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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