Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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