I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
