Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need water and some morals
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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