Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
