I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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