So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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