i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Come see our sink grown plant.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
