Ambien. No doubt about it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
