i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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