He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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