i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need moral support for this bender
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
