I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
