you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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