I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
that's an acceptable place to lick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Pooping to opera.
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