last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
