DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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