Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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