don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
is it fun? or sober?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
