i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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