I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
