So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
