Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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