From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
