Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
