some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
