just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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