nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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