you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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