He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
