I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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