genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
