he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
