omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
