Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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