I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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