guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
