I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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