the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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