i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
