; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
