Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
