I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
