You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
